My Heart

Most people that know me well know how much I want to be a mother. It's no big secret that I've been hoping and praying for this for a while, but especially during the last couple of years. It has been a hard journey sometimes, and today is feeling like one of the hard days. I feel like sharing something that is straight out of the deepest part of my heart, something that I wrote quite a while ago, yet is exactly how I feel today.

I wrote this on June 4, 2007.


I am waiting for you, praying for your presence.
I have wanted to see you for so long, but it's not time yet.
You are deeply loved, and wanted so much.
When you get here, there will be such a celebration!
I wait for the special day when I can finally hold you in my arms,
and tell you how much Daddy and I love you.
Because we love each other so much, we asked Jesus
to bless us with the incredible gift of you!
Maybe it won't be long from now, and we will bring you
into the home that we have lovingly created
together, for our family.
You are a miracle, a sweet and precious gift
waiting to come to life.


I see you when I look in the mirror, thinking that maybe you will
have my forehead or my dark hair.
I see you when I look at Daddy, in his eyes and in his smile.
I see you right here with us, only you haven't made
your grand entrance just yet.
Everyone must be very anxious about you,
because they are always asking when
they will get to meet you.
You will have so many people to love you,
especially Mommy and Daddy.
I will eagerly wait for you, my sweet angels.
Until then, I know you are safe in the arms of Jesus.
I love you.

Amazing Sunday

Landon and I have been going to New Vision for about a year and a half now, and have finally gotten involved in a Sunday School class these last several weeks. We have been building new and wonderful relationships, and it's been really awesome (I may be one of the few people on the planet that still uses that word a lot). I say that to say this: I think yesterday's experience was one of the most amazing that I have had in a long time.

The really cool thing about it was that most of the time, no one was saying anything.

After the singing part of worship, there was this guy they were calling "the Jesus painter". He was really cool to watch paint. He starts with a canvas that may have a Scripture or picture on it, then uses his hands and one color of paint to make an image of Christ. I have to admit that when he was finished, and even when people got up and started clapping and cheering, it took me several more moments to realize what the picture was of. But when I figured it out, it was amazing! At that point I couldn't stop staring at it.

Following this, they did something called Cardboard Confessions. I had never heard of this, or seen anything like it before. There were probably between 20 and 30 people that came up (some of them were families or couples) with their "confessions". On one side of the cardboard it showed, to use Brady's words, the problem; then on the flip side it showed the answer. Most all of them showed only a few words on each side, but what impact those words had! The entire crowd couldn't help but applaud after seeing each life-changing miracle. Wow, was that incredible to see! These were people that I don't know personally, but their stories were such amazing testimonies that I couldn't help but cry reading one after another.

Then Brady taught about communion, and we all shared it together. Another cool thing is that this month marks Brady's fifth year of service at New Vision. So all in all, it was a very emotional and amazing service. Topping that off was another great group discussion in our class afterwards.

I've heard there will be some video of this service on our church's website later if anyone wants to see it. Here's the link:
http://www.newvisiononline.net/templates/System/default.asp?id=28514

Rejoicing

I read these verses today:

"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again-rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7 (NLT)

Having grown up in the church and been raised by Christian parents, I have heard these verses countless times during my life. Remember that song about "rejoicing in the Lord always" they teach you in Sunday School when you're a little kid? The one that prompts a lot of little voices to scream "REJOICE!" at the end?

It's a fun song to sing, and when you're little, anything that allows you to yell in church is just, well, awesome. That's one of the coolest things about being around little kids. They are so innocent and trusting that almost everything is awesome to them, and they can find SO many reasons to be joyful! Whether it's painting with watercolors (you know, those Crayola ones that only have like 7 different colors to choose from) or eating chocolate pudding, everything is bright and beautiful through the eyes of kids.

It gets harder and harder to keep that childlike wonder of the world as we grow up and begin to see that everyone and everything are not always what we thought they were. We stop seeing-and sometimes even stop looking for-the awesome in our lives. That's why these verses are touching my spirit today. Oh, I am usually a very happy and cheerful person. I know that my God has blessed me beyond anything that I could have ever imagined, and He is so good to me every day of my life. There are just some days when, despite all that He has given, I yearn for what has not yet been given. Or I wonder about how I can fix this or fix that. If I should have said this or done that. How can I be this or be that.

All these things are not ultimately in my hands. It's really hard some days, but I have to give them to my Savior and trust that He will go on taking care of me, just like He always has. When I get past the "what am I going to do about all this" stuff, then I have room in my heart for what needs to be there.

Peace.

Trust.

Love.

Joy.

My First Time as a Blogger

Well, this is my first time starting my own blog. I enjoy reading my friend's pages, so I thought I'd start one of my own. If you don't know me very well, bear with me! I can be pretty corny at times, and downright geeky....hence the naming of my blog with "Korner" using a K instead of a C. I couldn't think of anything super creative for the title, so I went with a play on words since my last name starts with K. Yes, haha, you get it now, right?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading and getting to know me better.